feel pressurized.. grrr..

yes, i always feel like i have heavy burden on my shoulders.. on getting a new job.. yes, i know that i keep complaining about my current job. actually i generally do not dislike my current job. it's just i hate my office environment. basically i have no friend in the office! my office is all crazy. people like to form an exclusive group and basically do not welcome anybody else. Cant you believe that i was being ignored when they all went for the company's function? none of them bothered to ask me to join into their car ride. and do you think i m stupid for not knowing that??? of course, i purposedly said that i would go with my friend from other department. but i did that, just to save my face!!! coz if i said, i wld be gg but they still did not ask me to hitchhike in their car, wouldnt it be like a slap in my face??? so.. i was supposed to take a shuttle bus all by myself???????????? and i had a picture, once i was there, i would be left out as well. so i might as well did not go at all!!!!

i was soo happy when there was practically nobody else in the office. the place was soo quiet and peaceful. I can do whatever i want. i did not need to feel someone watching my back.. i hate them. i tried to be nice.. but well local people are sucks, if they are infamous for their rude behaviour, i agree with that!!!! so what did you do to the rude people??? well at first, i was nice to them, but being a thick-skinned asshole.. it did not reciprocate. so my next move, was rude to them as well!!! go to the hell!! i actually could not believe myself, when i was in the same elevator with them. I knew they were all inside, but i deliberately did not want to bother to look at them and smile, i just stared blankly on the elevator door, and i walked out from the elevator without turning my head. who caresss!!!!!

well if the office is like hell, i should leave the company for good. but the problem is, it is not easy to get a job!!!! i have been jobhunting since beginning of this year.. but where am i now? still couping in the shithole!! i have been through many interviews without any success!! it's like a dilemma. i hate my office, but i feel pressurised to jobhunt. i purposedly go online this weekend, so i could browse some jobs, but what i did, i checked on my facebook, i watched numerous videos from youtube. I did anything to give myself an excuse of not looking for a job. but i know i m being unreasonable here. If i look at my situation, if i want to leave the company, i should be more persistent in searching for a job. i guess i have this kind of mindset that i would not score the interview. it is always about my inability to speak english fluently. but i guess it is not the main issue here, but more on confidence. when you are confident, it will convey through your personality. this is i think i do not have. but i m sure i will get it one day. i m trying hard to improve my EQ. well i start with small steps... as in: taping myself talking about anything under the sun, socializing more by expanding my network (i m still working on it), and pour my thoughts in this blog. i think it is a good start.. i was quite surprised that i can write a very long blog... anyway..

oh i m thinking of getting iphone too.. so i can go online.. and sign up for the network site.. well it's more like looking for life partner cum learning english as well. so i m like hitting 2 birds with one giant stone!! hahahhahaa.. but it is too bad, the phone is out of stock.. again.. it sells like a pancake.. i have to wait for couple more weeks to let the craze dies down. i m pretty sure by then i will get the phone quite easily by just walking-in any store.