4 months later

Yep.. I m back after 4 months!! But where did the time go? I am soo scared by how the time flies soo quickly... and I m scared to face tomorrow, especially every day, I feel like I m getting older. I feel like I havent done or achieved anything in my life. My quest to get a job last year was a total failure. I was so down, I dont even give a damn try anymore. The process of interviewing was really demoralizing. My emotion was literally on the rollercoaster, one minute I was so hopeful, then days passed by without any follow-up, and my hope was dashed, shattered. I was soo mentally and emotionally drained. I have come to the point, that it is such a useless effort. That's why I completely stopped the whole process. But I still have to show up to the office. To face the fucking colleagues that I hate so much. The environment is soooo low, that I literally drag my feet every time I go to work. I m only happy when Friday comes, but when sunday night begin to fall, my heart is sinking deeper and deeper..

I have so many plans in my head.. It looks great in my head, but when I really go through with it, i encounter so many hurdles. It is not as easy as I thought it would be... But I havent given up yet. I know I can do it. I havent give my all... Well, at least I will try my best... I know if it does not work out, I will be in down mode again.... so that's my life cycle.... I guess...

Yeah my friends have all moved on.. I m left behind.. But it seems like all my friends forget about me.. oh let me correct myself. They dont forget me when they need to dump their fucking emotion garbage... !!!! I hate when they do that!!! They really forget that I m human too. Yeah now I come to the term that no matter which friends you have, either a good friend, not so good friend, all of them are selfish!!!!!!!
I have reached my anger limit.. !! Yes, I do ignore them.. ignore their ranting emails, ignore their bragging about the daily fucking family life they have.. ignore. ignore.. ignoree.. go bring all your fucking bragging for yourself. You dont have to shove them right in front of me.. I m sick of hearing that!!
Well, I havent scolded them right in front of their face!! I m still trying to be polite. I hope me being ignore and responsive on their emails, messages, give them a subtle hint. If not, I m going to roaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrr. and tell them to FUCK OFFFF...!!!